Perfect
When I found out I was pregnant, I had quite a few emotions. In that moment, I realized that as a first time mom, I knew I had to tune in and educate myself. After my husband and I decided that a home birth was the best path for us, we began searching for a midwife.
The idea of a home birth is still foreign to many people, especially in the medical field. The first time I heard my baby’s heartbeat was at a clinic near my home. During that appointment, we discussed my birth plan, and I expressed my desire to give birth at home. Immediately, I was met with disapproval: “It’s not safe,” “The baby may be at risk and need the hospital,” “With your first baby It’s better to just be at the hospital to be safe.” Every medical professional I encountered who saw my chart advised me against it. When I finally saw my OBGYN, they, too, were against it.
What saddened me most was that no one asked why I wanted a home birth. No one asked if I had done my research, if I was sure about my decision—nothing. Just plain disapproval. But that didn’t stop me. My husband and I continued our search and eventually found Big Valley Midwives. When I spoke to Lucinda over the phone to schedule an interview, I felt such relief—like someone finally understood me. She was reassuring and open to meeting.
My husband and I met with them and knew right away they were the perfect fit. They were warm, encouraging, supportive, wise, and informative.
My pregnancy was smooth and considered low-risk. My baby was always head down, and I consistently received good reports during my hospital antenatal appointments.
I continued seeing both the hospital doctors for test and also my midwives. Every time I left the hospital, I felt disconnected and discouraged. But every time I left Big Valley Midwives, I felt confident and empowered. My appointments with Brooke and Lucinda were filled with wisdom and support. Whether I met with one or the other, it was as if we never skipped a beat. Each session lasted an hour or more, and I had all my questions answered. It was a healing part of my journey. I had access to so many resources—breastfeeding, contractions and what to expect, my birth plan, and more.
The NST That Changed Everything
I was due in mid-October, and at my 39-week appointment, I was offered an induction, which I declined because I wanted to go into spontaneous labor. I was then scheduled for a non-stress test (NST) to check on my baby. That test ended up being the biggest stressor of my entire pregnancy.
At 41 weeks, it was a Tuesday when I went to the hospital at 10am for the NST. They hooked me up to a monitor to check the baby’s heartbeat and brain activity. After 20 minutes, the doctor came in and told me they weren’t seeing what they needed to on the monitor. They said my baby might not be receiving enough oxygen from the placenta and recommended an immediate induction, calling it an emergency.
This sounded strange to me because I felt fine, and I knew my baby was fine. I felt the baby was just asleep, that was sleeping time for baby so maybe they were not as active as they wanted. But at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel stressed, I was wheeled to the maternity ward, asked to change into a gown, and hooked up to machines for further monitoring. I felt like a patient and it was unsettling. I called my husband, who was out of the country, and explained everything to him. He reassured me, just as I had felt deep down, that nothing was wrong and our baby was fine.
By this point, they had given me fluids to try and get the baby to move so they could obtain the reading they wanted—but they still weren’t getting it. I knew, deep down, that my baby was fine. When the doctor came in again to discuss starting an induction with Pitocin, based on my research I knew I didn’t want pitocin as part of my birth, since I wanted an unmedicated birth. I knew pitocin may cause the contractions to be stronger than it’s meant to be, I saw the cascade of interventions playing out in my mind: stronger contractions leading to an epidural, then concerns about the baby’s heart rate, then an “emergency” C-section, so I said no. My baby deserved to be fought for. My husband and I knew this was not an emergency and we leaned on that truth.
Because I refused the induction, I had to sign an AMA (Against Medical Advice) form and was scheduled for another NST the next day.
When I got home, I prayed earnestly that God would let them see what they needed to see so that I could enjoy the rest of my pregnancy without this unnecessary pressure. But when I returned the next day, they told me the results were even worse.
I burst into tears. I was frustrated because what I felt about my baby and what the doctors were telling me were completely contradictory. Four different doctors came in to tell me I needed to be induced. The general message was that my baby was at risk of developing a neurological disorder if they don’t get enough oxygen.
This was hard to hear as It was faith versus fear. I knew and believed Gods design for my body, it was capable of growing the baby, nourishing them till when the baby was ready to come earth side. I believed God above everyone else.
I constantly called Brooke to update her and ask for her advice, and she always supported me with helpful information to make an informed decision.
At one point, a clinician tried to convince me to stay overnight for monitoring. I declined. She left and came back multiple times, trying to persuade me. The last time, she said that the doctors were considering calling someone because it seemed like I was neglecting my baby. I immediately thought of CPS. I realized I had to stand firm. I was crying—not because I was emotionally unstable, but because I felt trapped. I didn’t know what was going to happen next.
After another round of persuasion, my husband and I again made the decision to leave AMA.
I even received a call from a clinician 2 days later still persuading me to come in to do the induction now because she had received an email about me and baby is at risk. But I declined.
Trusting God’s Timing
My midwives, on the other hand, never judged me for my decisions. They listened to the baby’s heartbeat, and though it took a little longer to get a full-minute reading due to movement, it wasn’t a cause for concern. My nervous system felt regulated when I was with them, with my husband, and trusting in the God.
The next five days, I tried everything to encourage labor—walking, squats, side-lying release, and the Miles Circuit. At 41+4 Saturday, I tried to have a membrane sweep, only to find that my baby was still high up at -3 station, and I wasn’t dilated at all. This made me anxious because, as I was hoping for a homebirth I was also aware that in California, midwives can only attend births at home until 42 weeks. After that, I would be automatically out of their scope of care and would have to go to the hospital.
By 41+5 Sunday, labor finally began at around 12am. Contractions continued for about 5hours and at this time I was tired and decided to sleep a bit to preserve energy as my midwives told me I would need later, I woke up at around 10am and the contractions had stopped. So disappointing.
This happened again two days later. At 42 weeks Tuesday. This was my last day in scope with my midwives so I was trusting that these contractions would progress into labor, and around 5am again I started getting tired and didn’t even want to sleep because I thought, what if I wake up and the contractions were gone and behold, they were gone when I woke up. That was so disappointing yet again.
By 11am on that day, I decided to pack my hospital bag, as I surrendered to God’s plan. If my baby hadn’t come yet, there was a reason. I had agreed to an NST for that day at 4pm, and this time, the results were better—but still not ideal. After discussing it with Brooke and my husband, I made the informed decision to move forward with an induction. I did so because I was already gonna be scoped out of my home birth plan, and was confident that this was the right route now for me. And the good news is Brooke became my doula and it was one of the best things during my birth.
The Birth
That evening at 4pm I went into the hospital, I called Brooke and she met me there as well as my mom and sister, I was checked and I was dilated 2.5cm, so that means all the contractions I had been having helped make progress. At around 9pm I was offered pitocin again, which I declined. I went with the Cook’s balloon to help dilation. My mom spent the night while Brooke left to get some rest and said to call her if anything else and she will be back in the morning.
The nurse I had through out the night was such a blessing, like she was put there specifically for me, I mean she helped me produce oxytocin with the massages she was giving me and honestly that made the contractions so manageable and, I was thinking wow this is great I can do this, praise God. At 3a.m., the cooks balloon fell out, and this balloon is 5cm, so that means I was 5cm dilated as well. At 5am I was checked and I was 7 cm dilated and moved to the delivery room. Brooke came back about 5:40. By 8 a.m., I was still at 7 cm, so they broke my water—and it was clear! A relief, considering the previous concerns about meconium (I was told the baby may have pooped in the water so that may also have been causing the stress on them). The nurse midwife even said she had never seen anyone’s water so clear.
At 10am I was still 8cm, I was throwing up, at this point, I was moving around, using the peanut ball, Brooke was reminding me the importance of breathing and she was readily available when I needed a hand to squeeze. My mom and husband were there also there encouraging me at every step of the way. At around 12pm, I was still 8 cm, and baby was still high up. Contractions became harder, and I was exhausted. The nurse midwife offered pitocin again and I considered it but decided on an epidural first. I just could not believe after all this I was going to get the epidural and pitocin, I was at my end but still trusted that God was in control over any outcome.
Before the epidural was administered, I went to pee before they put in the catheter (this was news to me because I didn’t know I would have to have a catheter), and while I was on the toilet, I had another contraction- that’s when I felt the fetal ejection. It’s like the baby was coming out soon. The midwives and my mom carried me back to the bed, I was asked to lay down so they could check progress. I felt I needed to stand up or be on all fours but they insisted I get on the bed so they could check the baby.
At the next contraction, my baby’s head emerged. On the next, I gave birth to her head. On the next one she slipped out completely. A beautiful, healthy baby girl.
I heard the Lord say, “When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.”
When the pediatrician did their evaluation they said the baby was PERFECT. Perfect, perfect. It sounded like a song to my ears after all the stress and pressure I had been under.
I cannot thank Big Valley Midwives enough for their support. They advised and encouraged me through out my pregnancy and birth, I was a healthy mother mentally and made good decisions and they were a very part of that.
Postpartum has been beautiful as well, they supported me and did home visits till 6weeks, helped with lactation issues and helped better understand my body and my baby.
Brooke and Lucinda, you were a blessing to me and my family. I will always advocate for and recommend you to anyone seeking a supportive birth team. Looking forward to my next birth!
The idea of a home birth is still foreign to many people, especially in the medical field. The first time I heard my baby’s heartbeat was at a clinic near my home. During that appointment, we discussed my birth plan, and I expressed my desire to give birth at home. Immediately, I was met with disapproval: “It’s not safe,” “The baby may be at risk and need the hospital,” “With your first baby It’s better to just be at the hospital to be safe.” Every medical professional I encountered who saw my chart advised me against it. When I finally saw my OBGYN, they, too, were against it.
What saddened me most was that no one asked why I wanted a home birth. No one asked if I had done my research, if I was sure about my decision—nothing. Just plain disapproval. But that didn’t stop me. My husband and I continued our search and eventually found Big Valley Midwives. When I spoke to Lucinda over the phone to schedule an interview, I felt such relief—like someone finally understood me. She was reassuring and open to meeting.
My husband and I met with them and knew right away they were the perfect fit. They were warm, encouraging, supportive, wise, and informative.
My pregnancy was smooth and considered low-risk. My baby was always head down, and I consistently received good reports during my hospital antenatal appointments.
I continued seeing both the hospital doctors for test and also my midwives. Every time I left the hospital, I felt disconnected and discouraged. But every time I left Big Valley Midwives, I felt confident and empowered. My appointments with Brooke and Lucinda were filled with wisdom and support. Whether I met with one or the other, it was as if we never skipped a beat. Each session lasted an hour or more, and I had all my questions answered. It was a healing part of my journey. I had access to so many resources—breastfeeding, contractions and what to expect, my birth plan, and more.
The NST That Changed Everything
I was due in mid-October, and at my 39-week appointment, I was offered an induction, which I declined because I wanted to go into spontaneous labor. I was then scheduled for a non-stress test (NST) to check on my baby. That test ended up being the biggest stressor of my entire pregnancy.
At 41 weeks, it was a Tuesday when I went to the hospital at 10am for the NST. They hooked me up to a monitor to check the baby’s heartbeat and brain activity. After 20 minutes, the doctor came in and told me they weren’t seeing what they needed to on the monitor. They said my baby might not be receiving enough oxygen from the placenta and recommended an immediate induction, calling it an emergency.
This sounded strange to me because I felt fine, and I knew my baby was fine. I felt the baby was just asleep, that was sleeping time for baby so maybe they were not as active as they wanted. But at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel stressed, I was wheeled to the maternity ward, asked to change into a gown, and hooked up to machines for further monitoring. I felt like a patient and it was unsettling. I called my husband, who was out of the country, and explained everything to him. He reassured me, just as I had felt deep down, that nothing was wrong and our baby was fine.
By this point, they had given me fluids to try and get the baby to move so they could obtain the reading they wanted—but they still weren’t getting it. I knew, deep down, that my baby was fine. When the doctor came in again to discuss starting an induction with Pitocin, based on my research I knew I didn’t want pitocin as part of my birth, since I wanted an unmedicated birth. I knew pitocin may cause the contractions to be stronger than it’s meant to be, I saw the cascade of interventions playing out in my mind: stronger contractions leading to an epidural, then concerns about the baby’s heart rate, then an “emergency” C-section, so I said no. My baby deserved to be fought for. My husband and I knew this was not an emergency and we leaned on that truth.
Because I refused the induction, I had to sign an AMA (Against Medical Advice) form and was scheduled for another NST the next day.
When I got home, I prayed earnestly that God would let them see what they needed to see so that I could enjoy the rest of my pregnancy without this unnecessary pressure. But when I returned the next day, they told me the results were even worse.
I burst into tears. I was frustrated because what I felt about my baby and what the doctors were telling me were completely contradictory. Four different doctors came in to tell me I needed to be induced. The general message was that my baby was at risk of developing a neurological disorder if they don’t get enough oxygen.
This was hard to hear as It was faith versus fear. I knew and believed Gods design for my body, it was capable of growing the baby, nourishing them till when the baby was ready to come earth side. I believed God above everyone else.
I constantly called Brooke to update her and ask for her advice, and she always supported me with helpful information to make an informed decision.
At one point, a clinician tried to convince me to stay overnight for monitoring. I declined. She left and came back multiple times, trying to persuade me. The last time, she said that the doctors were considering calling someone because it seemed like I was neglecting my baby. I immediately thought of CPS. I realized I had to stand firm. I was crying—not because I was emotionally unstable, but because I felt trapped. I didn’t know what was going to happen next.
After another round of persuasion, my husband and I again made the decision to leave AMA.
I even received a call from a clinician 2 days later still persuading me to come in to do the induction now because she had received an email about me and baby is at risk. But I declined.
Trusting God’s Timing
My midwives, on the other hand, never judged me for my decisions. They listened to the baby’s heartbeat, and though it took a little longer to get a full-minute reading due to movement, it wasn’t a cause for concern. My nervous system felt regulated when I was with them, with my husband, and trusting in the God.
The next five days, I tried everything to encourage labor—walking, squats, side-lying release, and the Miles Circuit. At 41+4 Saturday, I tried to have a membrane sweep, only to find that my baby was still high up at -3 station, and I wasn’t dilated at all. This made me anxious because, as I was hoping for a homebirth I was also aware that in California, midwives can only attend births at home until 42 weeks. After that, I would be automatically out of their scope of care and would have to go to the hospital.
By 41+5 Sunday, labor finally began at around 12am. Contractions continued for about 5hours and at this time I was tired and decided to sleep a bit to preserve energy as my midwives told me I would need later, I woke up at around 10am and the contractions had stopped. So disappointing.
This happened again two days later. At 42 weeks Tuesday. This was my last day in scope with my midwives so I was trusting that these contractions would progress into labor, and around 5am again I started getting tired and didn’t even want to sleep because I thought, what if I wake up and the contractions were gone and behold, they were gone when I woke up. That was so disappointing yet again.
By 11am on that day, I decided to pack my hospital bag, as I surrendered to God’s plan. If my baby hadn’t come yet, there was a reason. I had agreed to an NST for that day at 4pm, and this time, the results were better—but still not ideal. After discussing it with Brooke and my husband, I made the informed decision to move forward with an induction. I did so because I was already gonna be scoped out of my home birth plan, and was confident that this was the right route now for me. And the good news is Brooke became my doula and it was one of the best things during my birth.
The Birth
That evening at 4pm I went into the hospital, I called Brooke and she met me there as well as my mom and sister, I was checked and I was dilated 2.5cm, so that means all the contractions I had been having helped make progress. At around 9pm I was offered pitocin again, which I declined. I went with the Cook’s balloon to help dilation. My mom spent the night while Brooke left to get some rest and said to call her if anything else and she will be back in the morning.
The nurse I had through out the night was such a blessing, like she was put there specifically for me, I mean she helped me produce oxytocin with the massages she was giving me and honestly that made the contractions so manageable and, I was thinking wow this is great I can do this, praise God. At 3a.m., the cooks balloon fell out, and this balloon is 5cm, so that means I was 5cm dilated as well. At 5am I was checked and I was 7 cm dilated and moved to the delivery room. Brooke came back about 5:40. By 8 a.m., I was still at 7 cm, so they broke my water—and it was clear! A relief, considering the previous concerns about meconium (I was told the baby may have pooped in the water so that may also have been causing the stress on them). The nurse midwife even said she had never seen anyone’s water so clear.
At 10am I was still 8cm, I was throwing up, at this point, I was moving around, using the peanut ball, Brooke was reminding me the importance of breathing and she was readily available when I needed a hand to squeeze. My mom and husband were there also there encouraging me at every step of the way. At around 12pm, I was still 8 cm, and baby was still high up. Contractions became harder, and I was exhausted. The nurse midwife offered pitocin again and I considered it but decided on an epidural first. I just could not believe after all this I was going to get the epidural and pitocin, I was at my end but still trusted that God was in control over any outcome.
Before the epidural was administered, I went to pee before they put in the catheter (this was news to me because I didn’t know I would have to have a catheter), and while I was on the toilet, I had another contraction- that’s when I felt the fetal ejection. It’s like the baby was coming out soon. The midwives and my mom carried me back to the bed, I was asked to lay down so they could check progress. I felt I needed to stand up or be on all fours but they insisted I get on the bed so they could check the baby.
At the next contraction, my baby’s head emerged. On the next, I gave birth to her head. On the next one she slipped out completely. A beautiful, healthy baby girl.
I heard the Lord say, “When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.”
When the pediatrician did their evaluation they said the baby was PERFECT. Perfect, perfect. It sounded like a song to my ears after all the stress and pressure I had been under.
I cannot thank Big Valley Midwives enough for their support. They advised and encouraged me through out my pregnancy and birth, I was a healthy mother mentally and made good decisions and they were a very part of that.
Postpartum has been beautiful as well, they supported me and did home visits till 6weeks, helped with lactation issues and helped better understand my body and my baby.
Brooke and Lucinda, you were a blessing to me and my family. I will always advocate for and recommend you to anyone seeking a supportive birth team. Looking forward to my next birth!